I've been very lucky in my life.  My whole 28 (*shush*) years of life, and I have four grandparents still living.  I met three of my great grandparents, one only three years gone.

Last week, or a couple weeks ago, I found out that my g'pa the Pastor had a mass of some sort and had to have a biopsy this week.  They had the meeting with an Oncologist today (is that the right doctor?)  It's on his lung.  If he refused Kemo they gave him two months, with Kemo, 18.  He's had prostate cancer for 10 + years.  He looked really sad tonight.

He did choose Kemo - starts next week.  But he was informed by the doctor that traveling to TX at the end of October for my cousin's wedding is not allowed.  I'm not sure he's going to get to marry us.  He should be able to be there but wow.

Wow.

My dad is sad.  I'm sad.  I don't even know if my mom knows the results - hoping dad told her.

*****
Tomorrow  Later today is the surprise baby shower for one of my best friends.  She has no clue so far - I'm very excited.  Hoping it's easy to pop into happy mode and just stay there.  Our time on earth is decided before we're born - all we can do is live and enjoy life has healthfully and happily as possible while we're here.

So glad my grandparents moved back to MN from NM - I actually got to know them a little bit now, not just OF them.

I wrote this entry the other night - and then my laptop ate it because I bumped something on the mouse "pad" thingy and typed a key that closed the window.  And it happend twice!  Annoyance.

We'll see if I can remember half of what I wanted to say.

So guess who has strep throat now?  Oh yes, John was kind enough to share.  For the next few days we will be boiling our toothbrushes to disinfect them and then maybe when I'm done with the antibiotics we'll switch to brand new?

I think we're going to buy new pillows and get all the bedding washed this weekend as well.  I've been throwing glasses into the dishwasher every day so that we don't keep using the ones we've already used for water and what not.  I guess if nothing else it's helping keep the house cleaner.

John had a little crying jag/break down the other night.  Expressing his deep sorrow for having hurt me/us by not just telling me where he was and that he needed to crash - (to be honest, yeah I would have felt weird that he was at a chicks place, but I wouldn't have felt betrayed) - and sobbed through it saying that he doesn't know why he couldn't tell me, doesn't know why he lets his fear of losing me or upsetting me win and make the wrong call.  He wishes he could go back and do what he should have done so that we could be happy again and not fight all the time and that I would trust him and not have to question what's in his phone and fully believe him and that he doesn't know why I've stayed with him even before this that he doesn't deserve me and I deserve so much more - someone who can support you and a family which he'll never be able to do.

It was heartbreaking.  I asked him if he's ever let go of things like this with his therapist and he said no.  I told him that I think he needs to... he has an intake appointment or something on the 17th - so send prayers that he'll finally find the right therapist who will get him to get all of this out.  He has a lot of anger and selfishness built up from I think middle school/high school ages - kids picked on him a lot - and mentally, I'm not sure what we'll find out is *wrong* with him.  But I just pray that we'll find the right person and the right diagnosis because there has to be someone out there that can help him.  I can't.  I'm glad I can say that - but I can love him. 

He is planning on talking to a career counselor from his college - maybe to find out what he would really like to do that he can make a living at more easily than theater.

My poor crazy man child.  I'm also hoping that Pastor K will get in touch with us soon regarding the results so we can move forward with our premarital counseling as well.

Pick up dance lessons again next week - guess who hasn't practice?  Yup, that would be us.  Hopefully I can feel better and we can get some of that in this weekend.

It's good to be back at work - kind of - would have LOVED to have worked from home today - cuz i'm sleepy sleepy right now.

OH - so lately I find myself waking up to use the restroom or something and I'll sit on the edge of the bed before standing up and next thing you know, I wake up as I'm falling back onto John because I've fallen asleep.  Is there such a thing as sleep sitting? 

Back to work I go... <3

We had a wonderful meeting with Pastor K last night - sat on the couches at the church and talked for about 2 hours.  At the end he told us that he truly enjoyed spending time with us this evening as we are two bright people.  He feels that we have great communication skills and are rational - though we still have some things to learn about each other and how we communicate.

One thing he said last night that I never had thought of was about John telling me what I want to hear.  That perhaps John takes longer to process how he's feeling or whatever and so he's telling me something immediately because he knows I have that need to have an answer right away - but he's still figuring out what he's really thinking.  That I'm more of an outward thinker - hearing myself think something through by talking to someone else is important.  That John needs to tell me he needs more time to think about it, instead of just giving me a filler answer.  That was a great item to learn - hopefully we can put those two things into practice.

He is checking into sending us a link to take the Prepare survey online so that the results would likely come faster.  I'm really looking forward to continuing counseling with him.  I wish there was a way to get him involved in my ceremony - but he'll hopefully be able to attend and that would be wonderful.

I need to check in with my Uncle Tony and verify that he has been licensed in MN and if not, figure out what needs to be done to make that happen.  I've been awaiting his response to my email regarding Unity Sand instead of the candle - but he hasn't written me back yet.  Perhaps he's at a conference right now, I'm not sure.  Maybe I should just give him a call tonight.

Do you know how many calls I seem to have to make these days?  I also need to verify with mom that she even called the seamstress - she was going to set up a time for me to take the dress and get the bustle sewn in.  I bet she didn't do it though because she found her own dress to wear.  Hmmpf.  People tell me I need to designate things - but sometimes I guess you just can't.

John & I were "treated" for our Grains "Allergy" at the Chiropractor last night - so that means until 6:30 pm today, we're not supposed to consume or touch whole grains/pastas/rice/bread etc.  I don't have tons of fruit in the house - so I just ate plain hotdogs for breakfast.  lol

I'm waiting on Paul to call and tell me he's ready for work so we can head over.  I got a new property yesterday and have to transition my old "easier" one to another accountant on my team.  This month end will be interesting.  Yikes!

I have created a new wedding website - I will post the link here when I get a chance, actually I might just send out a message so that it's not public.

Getting the guest list finalized and invitations put together this weekend - I hope!

I think I'm out for the day, have a great one!