June 20, 2009
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Another Post... another protected switch
I'm switching the protected list up again so the last three can see my previous post.
Fairy
Jessica
Atomic
you're all in!
Now for the bad news.
John & I are not communicating well these days. Haven't been for a while now either. Beyond that, we don't have sex. I know it's not the most important part of a relationship - but it's always been something I've considered indicative of problems in a relationship & we definitely have problems. We argued this afternoon/evening and then I left with my mom to go to my soon to be aunt's bachelorette party. He texts me when we leave asking why I'm mad & I told him because he was back and forth all day not being decisive. Argh. I just don't even want to rehash this particular argument - suffice to say we don't communicate well and I think he's a whiny little boy sometimes. Seriously, not just out of anger that I say that. I think he doesn't get all that being an adult entails and is taking some things for granted.
So I take a break from the bonfire shenanigans of the party & head into the house to chat with my uncle for a while. Not two minutes in he says "So, you sure you're ready to get married, T?" ... "Well, I can't picture my future without him. But I can't imagine living my life with some of the things that are going on."
My mom thinks maybe we should take a break. I think she might be right.
This sucks.
Comments (15)
It sounds like you are very conflicted. Sometimes we have to step back and let our head sort things out, because the heart can be so blinded by the love it needs to be fulfilled.
Is it possible that maybe you two do need more time to just enjoy the engagement? Maybe the pressure of marriage and all it entails is a ways off. Don't try to live up to anyone else's expectations of what your life should be, just ake time to enjoy today. Tomorrow will arrive soon enough.
Oh Tia, matters of the heart can be all so confusing. But I do think you and John need to open the lines of communication. He holds a precious gift ... your heart. Maybe he doesn't realize that . Maybe he needs reminding.
Heck, now I'm getting confused.
Love ya.
I'm thinking it's all the marriage talk that may be bogging things up. Is there some way to maybe take a break from that for a while?
You're a super smart girl. I know you'll do the right thing. And congrats on the testing scores! Go on with your bad self!!
(Thanks for letting me in on stuff!)
Tia, you are planning a wedding and that is stressful... there are so many things... and now our society expects men to plan things too (in the old days the gal got what she wanted and the guy showed up! LOL) ADo what you think is right. I can tell you my daughter and her hubby postponed twice, they finally got married a year from the original date, they were both sure and things are good now!
Also, remember a wedding is for a day... marriage should be for life... yet we spend so much time planning the wedding and almost none on the marriage. Does your church have pre marriage counseling? It helps you to focus on the important stuff and not on the fluff...
@beadbrat -
Yup, we are planning on doing the counseling. I'm not sure where yet though - we are unlikely to do this at my church in LF because the Pastor just isn't... who I would prefer. We might talk to the Pastor that is marrying my uncle in Two weeks because it sounds like he's pretty good...
But yes - definitely going to do those pre-marriage things. I've always thought they were important before these things even started showing up.
wow, Tia. maybe you don't need abreak, maybe you need more space form each other and time for yourselves. sex isn't the most important, no, but it is important. if you need to talk, let me know. my sister is having the sme issue and she's been married about a year.
An upcoming wedding always screws things up and stresses us out. But you DO need to be sure that you understand each other. This is an important commitment.
Hugs. Like someone said, you're smart enough to figure this out. You know you'll have to sort things out, and you also know it's much better to do this now than later. I know you'll do the right thing for you. Lots and lots of hugs.
Wow, that toally sucks. But you certainly don't want to get married (right now) if you are having doubts. I think you'll know deep down if it's right.
Well communication is hard....but it is what makes a marriage work....and marriage is work...and he will drive you totally insane and you will want to chuck him out the window...however, I highly recommned the pre-marriage counseling....actually it is one of the few things that the catholic church got right...(WE got married in DH Parish) they have you both take a test and compare your answers and then you get to discuss the differences in the answers...being that having differences is ok you just need to understand where you both are coming from....and sex or lack of sex has can have nothing to do with the relationship.....sometimes it can be related to how they feel about themselves.....I know there are weeks and months that I don't want sex and that has to do with my PCOS not because we have issues
awww i am so sorry! you deserve to be happy and you need to think about what will make you happy...you definately dont want to get into a marriage where you wont be truly happy....but you dont want to make a mistake the other way either...i will be thinkin of ya!!
Hi Tia. We haven't heard from you in a while. Are things ok? You were quite conflicted last time you checked in to xanga. I hope you are just too busy and too happily in love right now to post an entry.
XOXO
don't take this the wrong way, years ago, when I was single, and complaining about it, my own Mother said to me," Any idiot can get married". She was talking about herself, and the 25 year marriage she had with my Dad. I, on the other hand, didn't last past a year. Got married at 50...divorced at 51. So think on it.
@TNuts -
I am doing better - and I think WE are doing better as well. Right now I feel like things are back on track and the wedding will happen as planned - but as my mom says, I can change my mind even that day if it comes down to it. I sure hope that doesn't happen, lol, but I'll do whatever I need to.
The things going on with him won't be fixed before the wedding date - they are very deeply ingrained in his psyche, but he is working on them, promises to always work on them and I believe him. He really wants to be with me and I really want to be with him - and I think that's where we are supposed to be.
Thanks sweetie.
(And thanks for the good thoughts & advice from everyone...)
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