August 25, 2009
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I'm Sorry
Sometimes I hate my instincts. Oh my GOD I never should have looked in his phone.
So John has started to pick up my cold. He went to take a shower before bed tonight (and he'd slept all of the afternoon away) so I grabbed his phone to put his address for work tomorrow in so he wouldn't have to. But when I got to the computer I realized he already put it in there.
For some reason I felt drawn to look at his texts.
Who's Brenda?
Oh, it's a girl he works with, apparently, that I've never heard of before (entirely likely that she works with him, he doesn't talk about a lot of people) but I've certainly never heard the name.
And guess who's couch it was that he slept on the night he didn't come home. Oh yes, it was hers.
He is sleeping in the spare room tonight. I am so fucking pissed and hurt and I have NO idea where I go from here. I have NO idea why he has to lie all the time. I don't want to cancel my wedding. I want to be married and I want to have babies and I don't ever want to have to look for someone again.
How the hell am I going to work tomorrow. How will I make it through the day. OHHH my GOD I don't know what to do. And I'm supposed to have my mid-year review tomorrow... and some how hold it together. Holy crap.
Comments (5)
DO not get married....if you have any doubts or concerns...it is better off to wait or cancel then it is to make a mistake that later on down the road you end up having to fix....My Brother did that and the sad thing is that the person most hurt by his choice to marry his ex-wife is his son...and while looking for someone sucks it is better it be the right person for the right reasons....
Once you get to work tomorrow, you'll be able to pull yourself together. I had something similar happen to me right before a huge presentation. You'll just get through it, trust me.
As for the wedding thing....just make sure you are making the decision for the right reasons, and that he's ready for the decision at all. You know you'll do what's best for you, and if now isn't the right time, another time will present itself. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, even if it feels horrible at the time. There's always a reason why.
((hugs))
Would you email me your phone number and a good time to call? Not only would I love to talk to you, there's been something I've been wanting to tell you for a very long time. I think I've put it off long enough.
Good luck tomorrow. You just put your professional hat on when you need it and get through it. Hugs.
I don't even know what to say. You said he lies "all the time." That's quite a bit. You don't want to marry a liar love. That's just a lifetime of heartache.
(((hugs)))
Oh honey. You don't have to make any decision right now .. let this play out a bit. It doesn't mean cancelling anything, but if it comes to postponing, that's not the end of the world. Trust your gut. I'll be thinking of you.
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